Until recently, menopause was a word whispered quietly when a group of women of a certain age came together, often with a degree of embarrassment because the one raising the subject was the probably the one suffering. And when no one else’s symptoms seemed to match, well, it was time to keep quiet.
But menopause now seems to be something of a buzz word, often used in association with Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), which for some of us has proved elusive.
I recall asking my late mother about menopause when we were out for a walk. “That’s so long ago, I can’t remember,” she answered. She was probably around 70 at the time, so I would have been 46, and was already struggling with various health issues which I thought, but didn’t know, may be related to menopause – or ‘my age,’ to use a common euphemism.
So that was more than 10 years ago and I am now optimistic that the worst of the menopause symptoms may be behind me. The effects of this hormonal assault on my body remain – where I was once energetic, I am tired; where I was smooth-skinned, I sag; libido has dropped; hair has thinned – do I need to keep going?
With friends who seem to have had a gentler menopause, or are just at the start of the process, now being prescribed HRT as a matter of course, I am writing this for two reasons. One, so that if either of my daughters ever asks me what she might expect when the menopause starts to hit (admittedly, I am likely to be aged 85+ when that time comes!) I can check what I have written here and then tell her, and two, because I feel – well, a little hard done by.
I read an online article last week which said that for the past two decades, women had been deprived HRT – which may have considerably improved their quality of life – because of a study in 2002 linking it to breast cancer. It has now been found that HRT does not put you at any higher risk of breast cancer than drinking too much alcohol, or being obese. I wonder is it too late for me to start – will a course of HRT make me less tired; improve my skin; my hair; my sex drive – hell, my life!
Or is it too late? And does taking oestrogen and progestogen only delay the inevitable? Will the HRT user one day have to face the night sweats, hot flushes, mood swings etc when they decide to come off the drugs? But would that matter, if it kept you looking and feeling young? If I decided to come off HRT at 80, would I care if my face began to wrinkle or I felt less up to having nookie?
A quick Google on an NHS website indicates that most women stop taking HRT once their menopausal symptoms pass. No chance of a full body rejuvenation for me then! Although it does beg the question, if the HRT is stopping the menopausal symptoms, then how do you know they have passed? Interesting…
So what were my symptoms? People I do actually have a conversation with about menopause seem to focus on the hot flushes/night sweats, as if these are the only significant inconveniences of menopause. Perhaps they are the most obvious ones, the ones that can’t be kept to yourself, but for me these caused less anxiety than many other symptoms.
But I will look at them first. The daytime hot flushes were uncomfortable and embarrassing, because I do not just overheat, I sweat profusely. My face would pour sweat, it would drip from my hairline and saturate my upper lip. These episodes normally only lasted a few minutes, but it was enough to have me dabbing my face with a tissue, fanning myself frantically ( I kept a Spanish fan my grandmother had bought maybe 40 years earlier in my handbag). I remember stripping off my coat and scarf in the middle of communion in church, when we were all seated around the table – one doesn’t normally go into striptease mode when preparing oneself to receive the bread and wine!
On baltic mornings in the car driving to work I would have to shrug out of my coat and open all the windows wide – other drivers must have thought I was a madwoman!
The night sweats were relentless for years. Wake up sweating profusely, water tricking between one’s bosoms. Throw off the duvet and lie there, feeling the sweat dry and prickle. Then the chill sets in, and you start shivering. Time to pull up the (often damp and now cold) duvet. And try to sleep again, until the sweating begins once more.
One thing I would say is that as time went on, I realised there was a cycle to the hot flushes and sweats – rather like a monthly cycle – so for a week or so symptoms did ease, but, like period cramps, they faithfully returned.
I knew the sweats were due to perimenopause, and I could live with them. But some of my other symptoms quite scared me. The spells of dizziness / light-headedness were worrying, particularly if I was driving. It is a bit like emerging from deja-vu. You know where you are, you know what you are doing, but it’s as if you are not in your body, but looking down, observing. It is really quite unnerving.
This dizziness was the one thing I went to the doctor about that I believed was menopause related. She said it could be a symptom, but that really it was hard to tell. And, as I said I could balance on one leg when doing stretches in the gym, she didn’t think the dizzy spells were anything to worry about. She did not raise any other queries about possible menopausal symptoms, and sent me on my merry way without a mention of HRT, albeit I did feel reassured that my dizziness may not be brain-related.
Then there were the palpitations. For me, palpitations were nothing new. For reasons unknown (likely to be related to tiredness and stress) I had a bout of atrial fibrillation way back in 2001. I spent a night in a cardiac ward attached to all sorts of wires and monitors. I had blood-thinning injections in my stomach to reduce the risk of stroke as my blood was not pumping properly through my heart. I was sent home to await an appointment for electrical cardioversion to get my heart back into normal rhythm. Fortunately, my heart decided to right itself without the need for the volts – but I have suffered from palpitations on and off ever since. Tiredness, stress, anxiety are all triggers. Hormones too – I was more prone to palpitations in and around the time of my periods. I was also put on a heart monitor after giving birth to my third child (2005 – post atrial fibrillation!) because my heart was all over the shop. But I was so happy with my beautiful new daughter and so exhausted, I didn’t stress about it, tried to sleep, and within hours all was well.
So I wasn’t surprised when the palpitations increased during the years of the menopause – hormones, tiredness, anxiety all causing my heart to dance to its own rhythm, this adding of course to the stress. A vicious circle. And what do some of us do when we are stressed – well, we drink alcohol of course. Which adds to the tiredness, the anxiety, the palpitations, but that’s another story…
Those who live with me may be better placed to talk about my mood swings. If the pendulum favoured happy upbeat moods, that would be great. But in my case, it was definitely pitched to swing low – and at times I felt, at best lethargic and, at worst, out and out depressed. Anything and everything could be overwhelming and it took so much energy just to juggle normal, everyday things like work and family. If there was something out of the ordinary, like a concern regarding one of the children, or a problem at work – these at times felt unsurmountable. They weren’t of course, and like women before me and women after me, we carry on and deal with everything as best we can. If, in the midst of early menopause, I could survive the very sudden loss of my beloved mother when she was just 73, then I knew I could overcome whatever life threw at me. It was hard at times. But you have to always be aware that other people, including those closest to you, are also going through their own personal challenges, and you have to try not to become self-pitying and self-obsessed.
I was asked recently if I had suffered any aching limbs during menopause. I initially said no, I hadn’t, but realised that I am forgetting things already. On and off, for weeks at a time, I would wake in the mornings with aching hips and lower back, and on these days, trying to have a lie-in was impossible, I just had to get up and move. I also had aching legs at times. These things eased quite some time ago, but they were not pleasant.
Periods are of course the main indicator of whether we have had menopause or not. Despite all my symptoms, my periods would turn up regular as clockwork. Then, for just a few months, they were a little less regular and suddenly it was 10 months! I was convinced my menopause was almost complete because somewhere I had read that you were considered post-menopausal when you hadn’t had a period for a year. Hallelujah, all my troubles would be over in just two more months!
And then a period arrived – not heavy, not light, just a regular period. Next was a gap of 11 months – again I dared to hope – but no. Another period, precursor to yet another year of menopausal symptoms AT LEAST! Then a year passed, and another, then another. And did the symptoms end after that first year? No, but they did ease off (in the years that followed!)
Mid-life crisis may be an expression more often used in connection with men, but it can apply to women too. When we are going through all these enforced changes to our body, we are tempted to make changes that might counter the menopausal ones. With the menopause has come the realisation that we are no longer ‘of child bearing age,’ the sagginess, the thickening of the waist (not a fallacy), the thinning of the hair, the tiredness. We no longer feel young, or attractive. So we may try to compensate.
In my case, first I gave up on dying my hair and let it go grey (Growing in the Grey ) A great decision. But five years on my confidence was knocked and I made the crazy decision to dye it again to try and look younger. Instantly regretted, now growing in the grey again! I made another great decision – to get my eyes fixed, permanently, no more lenses and glasses – a very good move although not one I could have paid for a few years ago.
Sometimes the crises are real. At this age, we are seeing our children leave home, we are losing people we love, caring for older relatives. Big challenges that can knock the stuffing out of you when you are already feeling under par.
Sometimes, I feel like I have had a pretty rough menopause (reading what I have written would be enough to scare the bejesus out of anyone!). Yet you just get on with it. No doubt there are others out there who have experienced worse symptoms, or different symptoms, and those reading this whose symptoms were or are minor. But this is my personal experience.
I read recently proposals that employers should be more mindful of female staff who may be going through the menopause. There was a suggestion that ladies could be given time off. Time off for what, I wonder? It’s not like bad period pain (which truly would warrant time off) or a migrane, or a broken leg. The menopause is there, day in, day out and I can’t see too many companies giving women 10 years’ sick leave so they can get on with their menopause outside the workplace! It is not an illness, it is a stage in life, and it’s tough. Understanding is what we need, from bosses, colleagues, friends and family. But there is, I hope, an end in sight. I haven’t got there yet, but it feels not so far away now.
- You may also enjoy: Time Lapse Travel blog (written in the days when menopause was not even in my vocabulary!)
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